Goodbye Carter, What Do You Expecti?

It is now a year, a year since you said I should never text you again. A whole year without hearing from you. Not even a slight indication like a post like on my social pages. We met twice at the mall…remember?

You were with your new girl, my replacement, and a bunch of friends. The same friends I had blindly thought were mine too. The ones we spent innumerable Friday nights playing poker at keg parties. Same friends who told you I wasn’t good enough. And on that day, you didn’t even throw a glance at me. I was invisible. Just like I had been a few weeks to our break up.

Today I got a notification on my phone. I instantly knew it was you. Don’t get it twisted, I deleted your number like you asked me. But the numbers…I still know them at heart,number after the other (one of my worst mistake). You said that you missed me. That you wanted me back. That we are meant to be.

But i don’t want you back, Carter. Atleast not anymore. How do you expect it to be okay? After everything you put me through. After all the night’s I cried my heart out. After all the unanswered phone calls. Not forgetting the rude text replies I got. Do you think I’ll just forget and come back running?

I know I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m not even supposed to share with anyone. Not even my friends and family. But atleast I can share with you and this page. I hope the new girl one day knows, how you’ve got an iceberg in place of your heart.

You had the nerve to mention guarana in the text you sent me. How could you, when you know its my favourite memory of us? How we used to sit on the front porch watching the sun go down as we sip on the cold drink from the same bottle. The sunsets were always beautiful. Especially the part where we planned to have twins once you got your dream job. But now the reminder of these nostalgic memories makes me want to put out a six pack of guarana and throw the empties at your face.

I can’t stop laughing at the last bit of your text. You said you still haven’t found anyone like me. What did you expecti? Or should i mention how many relationships I tried wondering whether it was worth it anyway? How I’ve had to deal with self esteem issues cause I thought i wasn’t good enough for you. And the trust issues are a nightmare I relive daily. Moving on was hard, like quitting smoking. Less easier than smoking I guess. Cause I finally did.

Tonight there’s a black out all over town. I’m using the halfly burnt red candle I kept. Remember? From last year’s Valentine’s? The one i set up to surprise you but you didn’t make it home till the next day. Due to work related emergencies you said. I’ve been holding on to it, both the candle and the memory. Tonight its gotten a job. I’m using it as I write you this letter. And finally when I’m done I’ll watch it burn out, stare into the glow until it fades away. And i hope all the memories I have of you fade away with it. Tomorrow as i rise to start afresh you’d be a nobody to me. Not even an ex…goodbye Carter!

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