You have always wondered if campus relationships were more of infatuation, lust, peer pressure or the Dog from Hell; Love.
Your father who still subscribes to the old school of thought had looked you in the eye just as you were joining Uni and he said in Baba Otis’s voice “Kijana, if you come out of this institution with a degree alone, I’ll disown you, Maajabu!”.
Your aunt Immaculate who found her ‘Sweetheart’ in campus has been disturbing you with how they’ve blossomed from half witted Uni students to a fully fledged marriage thriving with a litter of kids after their love story kicked off from Uni.
With the weight bestowed upon your shoulders you entered university with a three way focus, one to get a Degree that will get villagers’ tongues wagging and the whole ‘you stole exams’ perpetual thought debunked; mosaic connections that are nowadays the key to the success window and the ultimate prize- a girl with a pretty forehead who probably studies Education.
Months in, Cupid finds favor in you and in a shiny Thursday just as you’re rushing to a lecture you bump into a girl.
The books she was clutching on her arm fall and just as you bend to pick them up, your eyes meet and there and then you wish you were in a Indian Film Movie set, the suspense that follows…
Anyway that’s how you meet this mother (‘mamaaaah’) though you had always imagined meeting your soul mate whilst it is raining.
She has chatoyant eyes that hypnotize you, her full cheekbones are well carved like a piece of art and yeah she had to wear glasses and has short dyed hair like Wabosha Maxine. Like the black king that you are and an ardent follower of masculinity Saturday by Amerix on Twitter, you don’t ask her for her number because men are the prize, a mistake that you later on regret.
After the fate-deemed meeting, as if dazed, you walk your smitten self to a two hour lecture that you leave half-empty mentally. The only content in your thick skull is the image of this girl, whom you’d be ready to change your name for to Babylon because you’ve fallen.
Kumbe, your old man was right and you make a mental note that indeed those Wahengas over Cups of Supu ya Pweza might as well been right when they coughed out the words, Whatever an Old man sees while warming himself near a jiko on a chilly day… oh cut some slack!! You can’t even see it if you stood on Mt.Nyirangongo as the molten lava erupts.
You spend the next couple of days hanging around the spot you met her hoping she would pass by like the angels of death and kill you literally. A fortnight and you still hold on to thoughts of her because the good book says happy are those who wait on the Lord. Finally, after waiting for what seemed like the arduous patience of Raila’s hopes to clinch the top seat, you meet her again this time in Church since the material used to make wives happens to be manufactured in The Lord’s house.
This time round, you put aside toxic male machismo and you embrace chivalry. You pay her tithe, you pray for inner eyes and like Julius Malema for the Mama to show you if she’s the one. That day ends well and the sun dips it’s way into the horizon all elated as it taps the moon. In fact, you call your mom all goofy and you tell her you’ve found the One, A church girl kwanza, you can picture your mom’s big grin.
It starts off with the foundation of you accompanying her to church, it builds on you introducing her to your most revered joint Kwa Mwangi’s Mutura . It plasters on to long chats, calls that end with “utakata ama mimi ndio nikate wa kwanza” it slowly ebbs into therapeutic evening pair walks as you munch on roast monocotyledons(read Mahindi choma) as you both exchange how your childhoods were.
Soon, it roofs with you shooting your shot like the serial sniper you are. She says “Wacha nifikirie ntaona”. Your friends who had told you that you don’t stand a chance, laugh at this. They say that’s just a polite way to shove a rejection down a guy’s throat. You don’t stomach this since you are just blinded by the thingamajig called Love.
You keep on meeting her, one time you ask her which zone she’s placed you and she replies with an emotionless “chill zone”.
You take a chili to calm the disbelief, wouldn’t she even say Bro zone? Or rather the rest assured zone “bestie” you wonder scratching your two wisps of beard. Ama it’s because you don’t have a beard like Shaffie Weru.
Yours is a relentless spirit since your grandfather was a soldier, you keep your hopes alive. She hangs out with you most of the time. One time after getting your HELB loan you purchase a laptop and you stock it with TV series. She begins coming to your crib for movie nights and a happenstance occurs once when you’re watching a romantic movie. She gets overwhelmed by the emotions in the room and out her heart declares…
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