Are you or have you ever been the black sheep of your family? Well…
You just can’t help it but make mistakes over and over and over again. You are defined as the stubborn one; rude-wild-shy-awkward-weak one nonetheless the exception of the home. Basically, you are different. In an abnormal, weird and unconventional way.
You either never listen or you talk back when you are supposed to meekly follow orders or instructions. On the other hand, you may keep quiet when you are expected to speak up, when you’ve been given the platform to express yourself. You just can’t seem to say the right thing at any time. You don’t quite measure up to the expectations set out for you.
So you constantly question why you act the way you act. Why you are the way you are. You know that it would be easier to just follow the path set out for you. To be what your loved ones envision in you. And you tirelessly wish that you could take away that pain, that disappointment permanently etched in their faces whenever they look at you or whenever you mess up again.
But deep down, you also fear that that look they give you each and every time you mess up. That despite your efforts, you will never be good enough nor worthy before their eyes.
Our surroundings shape us. We are the products of our upbringings. And the black sheep, depending on the uniquely positive or negative aspects of themselves that are constantly frowned upon, choose either consciously or subconsciously who they ultimately become.
They can choose to bow to pressure and let others step all over them, over and over and end up existing miserably instead of actually living. They can choose to amplify other people’s voices but their own. They can try to be what everyone wants them to be. Everyone but themselves. They can also choose to refuse to listen to what everyone else says. They can give the world the middle finger, and stand by their decision to persist in being themselves in spite of what anyone else says. An act of rebellion against standards set on them by society.
What kind of a black sheep are you? A victim? A perpetrator? Do you long to be free? Is it your life’s goal to be worthy? To make everyone happy? Or are you self-centered where by you just prefer to focus on yourself and putting yourself first, because Lord knows it’s been too long since you did something just for You? Do you yearn to be heard? To have the world stop even if it is just for a moment to hear your most innermost thoughts made manifest and to have them matter?
I believe I am a Black sheep. Its a hard truth to accept, because it exposes the ugly parts that would be better off staying hidden and buried. But the first step towards self-healing is refusing to be in denial when the truth is staring you right in the face, every time you look into the mirror. It’s easier to live a lie, to sugar coat the truth, but it doesn’t soften the blow; The Truth is the Truth.
So just try, you cannot please everyone; no matter how hard you try. But you can learn to accommodate yourself more. It may not be easy, but strive to be You with all your ugly parts and all. It’s all you can do. Don’t take everything all at once, try taking it in one step at a time. Smile and rejoice during the good times, take time to breathe through the bad, it shall pass…
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